Building the Table Together - 2018

Inviting me to Your Table is no longer enough!

In September 2015, I heard the gospel preached for the first time in a way that included women in the role of Preacher, Teacher, Elder. I heard it at a Pastors Conference in Sacramento. When I came home that night, I sobbed. I quickly searched online for the two books they recommended we read, “Paul, Women and Wives” and “How I changed my mind about Women”. I poured through those books and sobbed again. How could I have missed this? Then I thought to myself selfishly, “it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not called to be a Pastor”. 

As a kid I remember waking up at my Grandmothers house early in the morning and she would be reading her Bible. Later in the day we would beg her to play the piano and sing hymns from the church hymnal. She loved God very much. She refused to talk bad about anyone, even when life took unfair turns aimed at her. I later found out in a conversation with my Dad that I came from a long line of Christian women who had dreams and visions. I wish I had known this when my dreams started at 19. Instead I asked God to take them away. 

At age 7 I gave my life to Jesus. In hindsight, I was overflowing with the Holy Spirit. As the years went by, I attended church after church that was focused on Religion and rules, lots of them. Can’t smoke, can’t drink, can’t dance, can’t ask questions, etc. As I became a young woman, those rules changed to “you can’t because women can’t do that”. Women could not stand in front of the church, speak in front of men, lead the mission trip, run a ministry without a mans covering. And we were told to listen in church but leave the teaching to the men.

So it was no surprise when I entered the Business world and that same religion was in the workplace! Women were expected to let men do the leading. Less pay, less promotion. And now that I was old enough to experience sexuality, I quickly became schooled on that too. Dress conservatively so you don’t tempt the guys. Don’t jeopardize his manhood by being really good at what you do. Submit and don’t question his authority. Play nice. You’re lucky you’re at the table. Now sit there and look pretty. 

I was laid off from my first career position because I “had the “audacity” to get pregnant (his words). My Supervisor, an accomplished woman, was drugged and date raped by the same boss because he couldn’t help himself. Later I experienced sexual assault by a Supervisor who confessed in writing the next morning to HR. Over the next two months I received threats and advances from all of his buddies, the good ole boys. Three months later I was laid off from my District Management position so the company could “reorganize”. The women all knew what this meant. It was code for getting rid of the women and reinstating the aggressors. In both work and church, we were taught to just sit at the table, the Mens table, and wait for the time when change would come. But it never came. 

From 2015 to 2018, God met me in my dreams. He walked me through scripture and he continued to show me how He not only loved me but how He also made me in His Image. He showed me how scripture is alive through the Holy Spirit. He opened my eyes to His vision for Women. He began to introduce me to strong, women Pastors and Leaders who grew up in Freedom. He walked me through healing and showed me how the enemy had used Religion and my reliance on a Pastor teaching me the Word to replace me reading it myself, to wage devastating spiritual attacks to take down me and to take down the ministry He led me to start. He let me hear women’s voices from the pulpit. And showed me how women need to hear Jesus in the feminine to fully walk into their Christ likeness. He then led me through a Spiritual Awakening. And finally, to another Book, “She Reigns”, by Kris Valloton. My life and Jesus, finally made sense. I sobbed again. 

My dreams have returned. I’m free to be who he made me to be. I don’t have to settle for fitting in the box I was placed in long ago. I’m worthy. I’m called and I was made in His Image. His image includes my unique, feminine qualities. And those unique, feminine qualities are necessary in His Kingdom and in the Church. Without them the Gospel is not fully recognized. His table looks like heaven and I’ve been asked to help build it, not just sit at it.  

#itsherchurchtoo

#herstepstoBiblicalReconciliation